17 and COUNTING

I had an ultrasound today. I even got a picture of baby Skeletor. Everything looks great. In fact, it was so real looking it blew my mind. I might actually have a baby at the end of this all. Thanks to you all for your support and love and for letting me BE. The last few weeks have been rough for many reasons, but it's amazing to have such dear friends to share it with.

Tonight we had a Good Friday service at church. I have not prepared for Easter in any spiritual, lenten, holy sort of way. At all. There WAS a trip to Costco and some plastic grass and candy was purchased this week--but I have not even thought about the death of Christ in any significant way this season. Even stranger--I was not moved in any way during the service tonight. I feel totally removed from the persecution and sacrifice of Christ. I am entrenched in my own world and the suffering I see around me. Sad. And tomorrow we have soccer, Easter preparations (the running around kind), cleaning the house and cooking. I should go now and read my Bible and try to engage in some way--but what I want to do is finish watching Capote. Hrghmph!

When did my soul shrivel up and die? When did I stop weaping at the thought of the cross? When did Easter become so little to me? What the hell is wrong with me?